In: praying, focus on love, focus on releasing fear energy, focus on bigger picture than me, focus on humility, focus on patience, making new choices
Dang, ok that list was kinda long and maybe I can cut myself a little break.
Out: reacting in negative emotion, fear, lack
Those are the intentional things right now, and it sucks because I’ve been getting results!
I’m able to notice when I want to respond like an asshole to Vern, then I’m letting the feeling pass and choosing a calm and kind response, letting him have his feelings and feeling just fine about it most of the time.
It’s BoRING.
It even feels a bit like lying.
It’s not launching into how I feel in the moment, it’s acting the way I want to be because I see a choice.
Where you see a choice, there is one.
And I think because of all the praying, I’m feeling much less annoyed about making the choice. But it still is literally less exciting and sensational as acting on all my explosive impulses. Or… stuffing down my impulses and then feeling all the juicy self-righteousness of being resentful and bitter and somehow also deliciously smugly superior?
Ha ha!
I expected more from the death throes of an identity. Instead, it’s boring.
Taking one thought impulse and replacing it with another.
Here are some prayers I’ve tried and seen instant results in the way I felt, sometimes in what by all means should be stressful moments:
“God, show me the meaning of humility.”
“God, show me patience.”
“I can never be in lack.”
“God, show me love.”
The current experiments I’m doing are running these two models — one is asking God to show me some trait, the second is making a claim for myself while believing that it could be true.
Remember, if you need help getting some space you could try the prayer route (God, show me space?), or you could learn how to become more directly observant of the thoughts, sensations, and images playing out in your subconscious by doing this 5-minute meditation I am writing about.
SO CHEEKY! Solid! I love this. And your sense of humor. Top shelf.