Have you ever seen a parent who was devoted and completely present to their child?
I’ve had glimpses of this.
Currently I’m living with two friends and their 1-year-old.
When I asked the woman what she did during the week her answer was that every day was Sloan day, devoted to the care and love and the upbringing of her baby.
I was surprised.
I mean, everybody does everything for their kids, right? They work, and buy stuff, and stress and it’s all because of their children. Is it blaming them or in service? (?)
But here was a human who had figured out how not to work when Dad was at work, and long before the pregnancy had learned to be present with herself and her emotions.
It’s different looking. Different feeling. I’ve never really seen it this way before.
Everyone being different, the styles and results will vary. But it got me thinking, especially after also chatting with Dad.
Dad said that he felt very prepared for a child because he worked with children a lot in various capacities, with various mentors, and with interest in learning what worked and what didn’t.
For example, this Dad said if he were designing a preschool-aged gymnastics class he would NOT try to get little kids to sit in a circle and do stretches.
“They’re already elastic. What I would do would be to set up a bunch of different equipment all around the room and say, ‘Go! Go! Go!’ I took Sloan over by the balance beam with squishy things on either side of it and she sat down on it, and I was like, ‘Yeah that’s one way to interact with it.’ These kids need to get used to the equipment and investigate it and play.”
And I bet if you watched the kids and the kinds of skill they developed as well as the movements they were engaged in, it would look pretty gymnastic.
A parent or teacher who was looking for order and circle time and believed gymnastics only came from being instructed would be herding recalcitrant cats who naturally rebelled against something so against their nature.
I watched Mom hold Sloan for as long as she needed and something moved inside me.
Two parents devoted to each other and managing a harmonious household with the child at the forefront.
Imagine what a world oriented around its children would look like.
Would we have even a fraction of the inventions we have today? No. The time spent creating, building, testing, and manufacturing them would be used being present with children, letting them create, build, test, and…well manufacturing doesn’t fit as neatly in here as the other words on repeat. But the whole damn supply chain would crumble! Who would go and mine the resources, destroying land and native properties? Who would send children to do the mining?
It seems very strange to me that we don’t live in a world revolving around the health of the next generation.
In an article I read years ago, the author observed a woman in an African tribe flop down on the ground and easily fall into play with the villages’ children, so comfortable as if they were her own.
In another story from another reading, the author recounted that white settlers in an indigenous tribe found the tribe to be incredibly welcoming, to the point of women sleeping with the visiting men. One man was shocked and communicated with the chief, asking him something like, “Hey buddy, isn’t that your wife over there? Aren’t you worried she’s going to get pregnant?”
To which the chief replied with a look of dismayed confusion, “You only love your own children?”
Those stories move the shit outta me.
I’m 38 years old, and I’ve only seen a few instances of parents who were devoted to their children so that they prioritized their health and development which INCLUDED relaxing and also prioritizing the health and development of the parents.
We’re so afraid. And I’m sorry that culture, or parents, grandparents, or whatever government you turn to has managed to convince you that you have to use modernity as an excuse to avoid the things that are most sacred about life. The planet itself.
Is what you’re doing really about your kids?
And if you’re unsure what it means to be present I implore you to investigate that for yourself by dropping into your senses and dismantling your fears until you are able to be with more and more of life without trying to escape or to change it, either about others, children, or about you.
Tap into joy, and the things that naturally move you and speak quietly to your soul.
Investigate the memories that haunt you and free yourself from judgement. Love yourself completely, including the contrasting parts lol.