Give Me Diamonds or Else
wink wink ;)
“Thank you.”
Zero story, zero fear.
What does it feel like to say thank you in a monk-like state of pure gratitude? Is it possible to say, “thank you,” without wondering whether the other person is going to take it right, or if it’s going to cause some sort of undesirable result afterward, or create an expectation or really anything else that sucks me out of the pure, pure thought and energy of those two simple words?
I have a long-standing conflict with my dad around whether I respond enough to emails. I can feel myself tighten and cringe when I go to respond. I wonder if I will say the right thing or if I will displease him in some manner I find incomprehensible and unpredictable.
Today, I just tried responding, “thank you.”
“I would love that.”
Zero pressure. Zero expectation.
Maybe I can say what I want in a loving, pure energy of desire and express that desire without making it someone’s “job” to meet it. This will also be a tonal thing as I understand it. It’s just a fact. I would love 35 new yearly subscribers. Like dropping my long silk glove amidst a gaggle of suitors.
It feels enjoyable when I just let that desire linger rather than going into problem-solving mode.
My friend Hannah and I were chatting over voice memos about authenticity today. We both love it.
When trying for behavioral change it can quickly begin to feel ‘inauthentic.’
I feel scared!
When I stop myself from blurting out every thing I think and feel it in the ways I am used to doing it it feels like I am being inauthentic and internally suppressive.
There’s an awkward stumbly phase of trying out a new skill that can be very frustrating as it is developing.
But why not try?
I want to change the way I interact with the world and it involves a bit of awkwardness.
Put Down the Baggage
Just try with me — accepting things by saying “I would love that”, saying “thank you” for something and not making it a big deal, writing or speaking some desire and letting it linger.