Been taking notes after every session
4/15/23
30 min meditation in the morning.
I let stuff flow and shuffle and then dropped into noticing how I had realized I could live anywhere I wanted for $3000 a month in San Diego. I didn’t have any judgement around it.
Imagining paying $3000 a month sounded crazy. So I went to normalize paying $3000 a month.
“I pay $3000 a month to live anywhere I want and it’s nothing.”
I started thinking about paying Roxanne and Jared and offering them $1200 a month while I build to $3000 a month living anywhere I want, a white place with high ceilings and me and Maggie. Hardwood floors and a carpet runner down one side for Maggie to grip and lie on. I stopped at imagining offering it to them and letting them decide. Also having the boxes sent to here to keep in the garage. 7 of them?
Imagining $3000 a month being nothing felt expansive after it felt crazy and hard to fathom, so I thought of how people do it all the time and it’s easy.
I started imagining raising my rates, and a steady stream of clients and income.
I started imagining holding people to their goals.
4/16 20 min meditation
“I make $5000 a month from coaching and bodywork”
“I make $5000 a month from coaching alone” came before that. I had my left hand up for a while then both hands rubbing my thighs (seiza position) then strong energy in my hands that led to the bodywork phrasing.
I was in a river of money and an offshoot that did not reduce any flow from the river went off to pay for the place I live - “I pay $3000 a month to live wherever I want” while I kept bobbing on in the warm river, my head easily above the water
Image of a white place, ocean view balcony, ocean view window seat, sitting in it, realizing that I wanted to make $5000 a month from coaching alone ^^.
Dreams: Veazey and her man, beautiful baby, Donald Trump taking photos of people in the water, a highway where we couldn’t tell where one went until you were at just the right angle and climbed up, Sophia holding hands with me, pandan rice, coconut rice, seemed similar to DC, turtles, turtle in the bottom of my cup, Barack Obama doing cartwheels with kids in puddle, my bag getting lost when boat capsized though no one was worried all were laughing
4/17 630am 26 min
Slow crawl to seated up under the blankets, eventually leaned forward at the end
Pretty quiet, getting the rep in
Dream: forgetting them
4/18 6 or 7 min
Felt energy around my upper back and head, eventually w focusing revealed more left side, white, like a hood and cloak extending a foot or so outside my body
4/19 20ish minutes with snooze button
Just received paycheck 945.45
Vision was inner child and parts dancing, overjoyed, throwing money in the air with music playing
Eventually dug a hole in the sand, a tunnel, and crawled in it, through, and back in, curled up fetal and rested deeply. A liquid sloshed or poured in periodically from the far/head side, unclear what it was.
Child burst a fist through top of tunnel and threw a seaweed-type object at me, I received with open hands, ate some
Walked over the tunnel and it caved in non-emergency looking down at big hole
Money down the hole
Started thinking about Feeld and sex again with Jackson
4/20 15 min or so
“What happens when I try to think about making money not given to me or ‘guaranteed’”
Snot/mucus layer floating around my head in front, heavier on the left side took a while to appear
Voices coming from belly and elsewhere, after the mucus layer began pouring down from right side, gaze followed to upper left (tingling as I’m typing) small shaft hidden room type far away view narrow opening to a baby
Woodsmoke snakey fish entered and pushed me back down and away, pinning me not painfully to the ocean bottom which was firmish, admonishing look and swam away in the water not too too far away
Also thoughts to distract included posts and thoughts of losing 15 lbs, which has a bit of judgment and hope to one day be pretty enough (I wasn’t pretty enough for myself ever before either) in a tattered rose or pinkish flower on top. Lymph dry brushing was the thought.
Posts included “open loops and closing doors - demolition of and restoring cycles” White Oak Pastures dung beetles post
So much better not using phones
And What happens when you - never again triggers post
Dreams included running around with the kids, Sola
Notable I’m so much more patient with this as a process than I was
4/21: 15 ish minutes before alarm, waking on my own
Wanted more sleep. Mostly complimenting myself, but calmer since I let the spirit go yesterday in that tree in the park. Then “I will walk 500 miles” song on repeat, from Instagram? Over and over. Finally emerged seeing parts dancing to it having a blast, being silly in the camera near and farther. Got more still, opened to a view of blue beautiful tropical-ish sandy island, moving down toward it. There was a part to the left trying to block the image, trying to throw a blanket or sack over my vision, and I dodged it calmly, stepping backward to evade while staying facing it. Alarm went off.
4/23: < 5 min, then 30 min
<5 - catfish coming up to me, lots and lots jumping around
“Catfish represent awareness and psychic sensitivity.”
30 - Me and Robert’s souls love the shit out of each other, and won’t ever find compatibility again in this life. But we love each other. Last images of meditation Robert was walking over a jetty and came up to me to show me/tell me “you’ve heard of mimicry?” or something about a Mimic, then alarm went off
Wanted to tell Lisa to meditate 30 min/day, with her kids, homeschooling goal or have them leave if they can’t sit still for it
Breath of fire one round
Imagined meditating w DJ, getting off of Feeld, finding Tom Cowan followers