Nothing worse than a lonely child
It's hard to establish connection with a person who isn't connected to themselves
Loneliness, as you know, isn’t about being alone.
It’s about being able to be authentic while remaining connected. Authenticity is feeling, and ideally having the option to express the feeling.
Which means the person in front of you is able to stay connected when you’re upset, when you say something that makes them question things, when discomfort is on the table, when you’re telling them about your sexual assault. (etc.) I wonder about the underpinnings of relationships and culture that would result in sexual assault in the first place, and then being unable to talk about it without losing connection to their caregiver. It’s no wonder addiction is often the “easier” path. I feel like we’ll seek what is socially acceptable above all, manifesting lives that are wholly about how we can maintain a feeling of connection to the outside. In a healthy society, what is socially unacceptable is of widespread benefit rather than in service of maintaining widespread suppression.
Sick society raises lonely children. Children who are sent off to be with strangers while their parents earn enough money to do whatever they think they need to spend money on. To be with other children who are similarly adjusted or mal-adjusted. From day-care to school outside the home, kids are raised mostly by strangers today.
Lonely children have parents without intricate social networks, whose parents were likely idiots themselves when it came to raising children. In order to be available for authentic connection, we at least have to begin being ok with ourselves and to take a stand for our priorities. Otherwise, the reactive elements that forbid us from touching or feeling things inside will manifest in chaotic resistance to anyone who sparks those feelings inside of us.
As soon as we stop feeling, we stop connection. We stop being present. Feeling is not describing your reactions, it is feeling what is sensationally happening in your body.
AND AS FAR AS I CAN TELL,
the way to begin to reestablish connection lies with -
Buddhist wisdom around being able to identify, feel, and be equanimous (non-reactive) to the sensations in our bodies (Vipassana)
(Solid follow-along below)
Practice in real life, where you notice when you want to avoid feeling something even if it’s a person that you care about in front of you
Self-reflection like writing about your day or some other way to pick up on your own patterns and develop a sense of self-trust
Noticing how you respond to feedback
All of this seems vastly enhanced by an interaction with or willingness to believe in connection with something bigger than ourselves
Lord, I’m trying.
I think all children today are lonely children. Which is a pretty nuts thing to say, right?
Yet the species persists.
Until we restore little islands of connection I think our values will continuously trend towards actions that destroy beauty and wholeness in the world. I have a problem with that.
After taking the Vipassana 10-day silent meditation course a few years back, I have trouble arguing with the basic tenents of the practice, even if I’ve added many other modalities to the repertoire since then.
Everything is impermanent.
Suffering is caused by craving or aversion.
Learning happens through experience.
Check out the basics here.
Love, me