Whether you’re ready to receive it is unrelated lol. I need a smirk emoji!
This will lay out a few things around masculine and feminine energies. If you’re not a stay-at-home mom, you can still garner some ideas and wisdom from it.
Children are inherently feminine energy.
They are uncontrolled, vast, impulsive, creative, and their greatest joy in life is to be seen and witnessed. It’s built into their helplessness that that’s (hopefully) what they get a lot of, in order to survive.
For whoever is in charge of a little one with near-zero-independence yet, this means near-total attention must be given to the little one for the entire time they are in charge of them.
Since most people in modern Western society do not have help watching the kids, this is one hell of an attention suck. Even in the best situations, a solo parent has almost zero downtime when they are with the child or children. If you do not have direct eyes on them, your attention is still split toward them and any sounds they make because your responsibility is first to keep them alive, but also whatever else you’ve chosen to focus on as your responsibility, like your hopes, dreams, and goals for the relationship and their development.
Most of us have very little experience today in paying that much attention to something for so long. Thankfully when the child is a baby and kind of more potato than human except for the crying, you kinda get eased into the variables of this intense focus. As soon as they become mobile the variables increase, and the moments where they get tall enough to reach more things and then strong enough to do something about it the variables increase again.
All this to say it can be draining.
The stakes are high.
I want to speak to some of the ways a partner can support a mom when they get home. Maybe after the kid or kids go to bed. Maybe when you take over some responsibility for them and send mom off on the things I’m going to discuss here.
When a woman has been so hyper-focused all day, she’s been primarily if not entirely in the mode of giving.
What I’d like you to do is to focus as much as you can on giving to her, so her nervous system can rebalance and reset, deepen, turn off, and rest as much as possible. Even if this happens for just 15 minutes, this can nourish and restore a woman very much. The feminine is all about receiving.
This also works for women partners that are in charge at their jobs all day, even if there are no children involved. A man at home that can help a woman “turn off” is liquid gold.
Some examples I’ve heard from listening to John Wineland and others in the last few years:
Ask her how her day was, then listen without asking to explain. There’s a magic question you can add to your listening - “Is there more?” Let her pour out to you until the tension is gone.
Sit down and have an intentional conversation about the things she likes. Women - ask your partners for help turning off at the end of the day, and start by asking them what they know you like. What do they think would help? The answers may surprise you in a good way. This is a conversation, however. Go back and forth until you have a list of at least 2-3 things that you feel would be pretty reliable in helping you turn off.
Once you have a list, the first step is for the partner to start suggesting something off of it using their best judgment. This is where you begin to find out whether those things actually feel appealing in reality or if you need a new list. This is where you find out whether the woman is able to accept any suggestions of being taken care of! This may be where you find out gaps in your relationship and begin to learn where and why she doesn’t trust your leadership - and whether that’s more about her, about you, or a combination. This is a road to greater intimacy and honest relating.
Once a list that really works is in place, I think it’s a great idea for the man to just start doing it. Order her around a bit to do the things that you’ve figured out are supportive. Take initiative to provide that food, or run a bath, or listen, or provide touch that she likes and is about her pleasure without even asking first. (For a video on how hard it can be for the feminine mind to say what the fuck kind of touch they actually want, but that it is possible, including some shit you probably didn’t think about asking for, check this out.) The more a woman can rest in trusting you and your judgment, the better things get, the more polarity you’ll experience, and probably better and more connected sex.
As things continue, the man’s judgment and experience will improve and his intuition will come into play and allow for more expansive and attuned options. This will take some time guys, so expect it to and do your best to laugh as you clumsily make your way to each other.
Men - this requires you to operate from a resourced place as well. Say no if you’re too tired. Start working out so you have more energy and are in better shape. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself enough to make genuine offers or this won’t work.
Are you solo? You can do these exercises with yourself. Journal things out without trying to change them. Master the art of word vomiting to get the energy out. Ask yourself the question, “Is there more?”. Ask yourself what makes you feel nurtured and set a priority to do a little of that more often. Be honest with yourself about how often feels doable right now, or get help from a coach to be more accountable to yourself. It feels incredibly good to invest in something where you pay money to know someone is looking out for your best interests.
This is nurturing to both parties. Masculine men love to give. They love to help. And they want to.
But it’s also time for women to examine their resistance to receiving, if they have any.
Journaling on it is a good place to start.
But also look at identifying the somatic, feeling places in your body that tighten up at the idea, then meditating with them with loving acceptance so they can start to relax. You may see memories pop up. Just witness them. Your job isn’t to try to change anything. The mere act of witness and acceptance can go a long way.
Would you like help?
Here’s my new booking site with priorities around mothers, but also available for everyone who wants some from me.