Open cycles
When we interrupt children we interrupt their development and feed our own insecure ideas about the world.
You can set up children for success by orchestrating the environment they play in.
The absolute most frustrating times I had working for the preschool were when I came at a child or children with an agenda.
Let’s use walks as an example.
First of all, these hikes were done at arbitrary fucking times. No care was given to whether the kids were energetically flowing at the playground or with each other or building or engaging with their environment, there was a schedule to be kept that involved going on a damn hike.
Once on the hike, no one gave a damn about whether kids were interested or enjoying things along the trail, because we had an arbitrary destination to get to.
For a nature school, it did fulfill a bit of the idea of “prepping for school” - the land of arbitrary bullshit to train kids to obey and not think for themselves, killing their desires and interests to serve other adults taking away their power and choice.
How is forcing kids down a hike for no real reason any different than trying to get kids to walk in a single-file silent line to the cafeteria?
Does it create more life or less life? This is the question we should be asking ourselves regarding the things we do to us and to children.
Remove agendas and destinations and you will see children absolutely blossom with creativity, choice, joy, and connection with themselves and their environment.
Does it dim life force. That’s what I want to observe.
If I wanted to get a child to enjoy hiking to a destination I would involve them in the discussion about the possible destinations. I would include a lesson around map reading. I would stand back and take in the energy in the room (or proverbial room if we were outside) before making any suggestions at all. If I didn’t care if a child enjoyed hiking to a destination I would have a conversation with myself about what I found worthy about hiking there with them. Is there some character trait I’m going to be working on? Have I made predictable plans for the child’s capacity for this on a physical and emotional level? Am I well-resourced enough to support both of us or the group of us in achieving this goal?
I would ask myself why why why why why until I got a satisfactory answer.
This is why learning energy work is so much more valuable than anything else that you can do, especially with children. If you can examine the energy you don’t have to come up with all these arbitrary decisions. You don’t give a massage that is based around what you want to do. You connect into the energy and get into the flow of what is right for all of us.
The arbitrary decisions are usually based in some kind of fear, which is why the series of whys is so important to ask.
I need them to hike so that they can get enough exercise.
Kids are seriously nonstop moving all the time outside. This is not necessarily valid.
I need them to learn how to listen to me and do what I tell them to do.
Why? Why do they need to do it blindly? What circumstances does this create? Does this develop our relationship and trust between us?
I need them to be prepared for X (kindergarten, the real world whatever that means, elementary school)
What exactly are you scared will happen? This is a deep rabiit hole of a question that has tendrils over to examining all sorts of things, including what you want the kids to develop and how those kinds of developmental ideas are actually created in a person. And why you think they are important after all. Ideally, this includes some neuroscience where one takes a look at whether it’s even developmentally appropriate to expect what you’re expecting from a child. In energy work, you just start getting a sense of what is “right” and what is “off” or “wrong” with so much less need to outsource your power and knowing to external sources of information.
You are a part of the environment. When you set yourself up to be a calm and observant part of the environment you become a conduit for authentic development.
When you rip a child away from whatever they are interested in you help to create an adult who does not feel connected to their interests. Again, they are more easily manipulated if this is the case. It is something the larger culture wants.
Here’s what I would do around the damn hiking:
Take kids to a destination. Set them loose. Set boundaries in discussion that involves the kids as much as I can. Watch them. As my friend Chris said, “Most chaos isn’t bad.” She also said, “Position yourself near the highest risks.” Boom. Then SHUT UP. Especially if you’re not authentically playing or attempting to play with them. It’s funny how few parents actually play with their kids at the playground. There’s a lot of hovering and a lot of ordering around and stopping everyone from everything but so little actual playing with the kids. It’s funny because if they did play with them they would actually do so much good healing for themselves in the process.
Watch the kids play and investigate their world while managing and mitigating serious risk that takes into account individual variations in capability, balance, strength, coordination, and capacity.
If you stand at the edge and get quiet you will see where you’re needed. Which is different from what you see that makes you scared.
Children are interested in everything. They will stare at a few objects and practice things ad nauseum until they are satisfied with their understanding and connection to it. We don’t have to put a bunch of shit in front of them and wave it around hoping to inspire something.
Many times, the message that kids are giving adults is that the adult is ENOUGH, a message that most adults are subconsciously seeking. And adults throw a toy in front of them instead because they don’t believe they are enough for the child. The things they do aren’t interesting enough to get the children involved in. Nature isn’t even enough, we have to hike.
The actions that we do affirm the beliefs we hold about the world.
The acts we do and impose on children indoctrinate them into those beliefs. It’s worth it to question them of ourselves.