The Shameful Parts
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The Shameful Parts
Shame is learned, as in the Garden (of Eden). Ask any baby perfectly happy to run in the nude, or on the other end ask yourself what memories you have of having meaningful negative attention brought to something that you enjoyed, that stuck.
Shame is held in parts that fractured off in order to protect the whole from dying or being overwhelmed. These soul fractures become stuck in open loops characterized by sore memories or ones that seemingly “inexplicably” pop up from time to time.
Recently a Zoom client came to me with skin issues who was willing to investigate the supernatural reasons together. We landed on a memory about crossing the street and her relationship to her mother. After the session she viewed all the parts of the memory from a different perspective than ever before. And was able to absorb a little part of herself that had been exiled and left.
Processing is illogical. You may have no idea how some of these things can be related.
(Although German New Medicine continually shows me how things actually ARE logical after all, just not in any of the frameworks we know.)
These sharp corners of our emotions provide the traction and the entry points into healing.
It is true that the things that are the most triggering provide deep insights. Shame is one of the deepest and most protective layers of ourselves.
Unchecked, shame will create a monster of thick skin, short temper, and spiky energetic screams that are both extremely draining and keep people far away from you no matter how deeply your inner children wish to be held and loved. Shame convinces you that others are pain and builds thick meaty callouses in order to convince you you’re invulnerable. Shame may not even feel like shame. It may feel like superiority, unworthiness, martyrdom, or the desire to save others. All things that distract from ever focusing in on you. It hurts too much.
And if you think that the hurt IS you then it makes sense to fear engagement. Deeply affected individuals may have to fight very hard to separate the compressed layers. Eventually, there is space. Definition. Evidence through inner connection that it is not ALL of you that feels shame. It’s only parts, and they can be helped and healed. By you.
If the shameful parts are interacting with the world, there is work to be done, dear sister and brother, in order for you to be in loving relation to the world again. As you once were. And which you may have zero memory of.
It is our ability to respond to ourselves that enables us to be with other people.
I think this world was intentionally designed to fracture us internally, causing separation outwardly as a result. Most of my clients report feeling alone.
But when you learn how to identify, revisit, and reabsorb your own parts that were overwhelmed with shame, you become a little less brittle and a little more confident just being yourself. Gradually this builds over time. And this makes you capable of connection with others who are being authentic to themselves.
The parts that hold the memories may try to rush or overwhelm you in gratitude for being seen, but the emotional flood is distinctly manageable and can be metered out so that the feelings can be completed without actually being painful. If you find that you are feeling “too much”, simply focus on the area that’s doing it and ask it to slow it down so you can feel it together.
But how to find that part in the first place?
Try this:
Find your shame. Figure out where it is. Get very detailed. Where is it in your body, what does it feel like, and how do you know it’s there?
What would you NEVER do because you’d be too embarrassed (the precursor to shame) to do so? And what part of you holds that embarrassment?
It will be part of you that holds a childlike freedom once it is able to purge its shame.
Notice what happens when you zero in on the part, within your physical body, and just focus your attention there.
Do not stop until you feel a shift or some kind of reaction to your focus. You will have to feel relaxed and accepting for this to be so. Your job is to simply be.
You may find this impossible at first, as other parts who are in judgement of the shame-wielding ones may step up to the plate as you attempt to simply be.
Once you learn how to be with and discern these parts, you can start to identify which things are coming from fear and which are perfectly reasonable prescriptions to simply change behavior or environment.
If the truest form of you isn’t being acknowledged, it may be time to move away.
And if your pushing people away is rooted from your own shame, it is time to help release that so you can have the connections you’ve always dreamed of.
This work is fabulous for couples.
Always loving you and the things I know that you are capable of.
If you have any questions or want to share what you discovered from this post, leave a comment below or email me at samantha@movewellphilly.com, an email address from a lifetime ago.