I have several really, solid ideas in my Notes app to write about but as usual if something is on top of mind that’s what’s going to get worked out here instead.
Connecting threads together,
I booked an inner child session for myself on Thursday morning, bright and early, before going in to the nature preschool to run hills all day with children.
I uncovered a shit ton of anger at my mom, who is deceased, and I’m remembering now that it’s really nice when I take the time to write down what I want to remember out of sessions after I have them because it’s already murky now. Though I still trust the effects, it’s nice to reference back.
Journal after you get a session, Sam.
Eventually the session led to me taking the Soul’s-Eye-View down onto myself in order to see why I felt a blank space where my heart is supposed to be.
I dissolved the forcefield around it protecting it, and now I have more interoception (internal feeling) where my heart is.
This all stemmed from me wondering WTF was going on with me and receiving. I felt this big shield go up when I wanted to drop in and take pleasure instead. Under that there was a fear I would never ever get enough love. Behind it was a memory of being a baby and staring up at a blank corner of a room and love never coming until I dissociated.
Going into the session I knew it had to be rooted in the past, though I didn’t know when, and we also went into a past life where I saw my mother attacked by wolves but I was picked up by a man and survived.
There was a feeling of, “JFC, again?” directed toward this life, where I lost my mother to work and then a stroke and never forgave her.
We determined that my dissociation from my heart was stopping me from feeling compassion for my mom’s situation and what she felt.
And anyway, all this to say that in the 36 hours afterward I’ve been feeling a mite sensitive and other triggers are showing up for me.
I also felt great and received bodywork from a friend luxuriously last night with no shield popping up around it.
That’s how it goes sometimes. Addressing a problem stirs up the silt and things feel a bit chaotic before they settle again into new, better things.
Take things in stride the few days after a deep session, get lots of sleep, and talk to your session host about what’s coming up for you.
Remember that it’s a process of unwinding over a broad period of time.
Things are going very well and I feel things coming up as if to intentionally derail feeling great about them. This is what I train for haha. I appreciate that anything that comes up is something I can love and resolve, driving further from playing a victim with each passing seized opportunity.
If you get nothing else from this chaotic recounting, take that having experience in meditation will stand you in good stead through most all other personal development experiments and roads ye may travel down the line.
This looks like stepping my awareness back a little behind the thoughts that are occurring, getting a little separation from who or what “I am” vs the things I am experiencing, and finding compassion for all pieces involved, including the contradictory ones.
It’s not always easy to hold it, but it solves things rapidly, relatively speaking.
Just sitting and letting the show go by.