A little sappy

I wrote this by hand first just to see what would come out

I feel like my past is locked up in my friendships.

The people that were there. That saw it. Who listened to me after it.

It’s in the people that saw me as I was.

I have friends that still hold onto things that I’ve forgotten. I don’t know how much of a trail I’ve left. Maybe I’ll know after I die.

Why is this important. I’m made of my connections and the people that saw me. They watched me grow, or maybe I cast off branches of myself when I lost touch with them. Shedding old habits, desires, beliefs about the world and the stories that contained them.

The times I remember most are when these people held me and I was open.

I understand it’s a scary place to me to hand over pieces of yourself to another human. But when we connect it’s like they’re a part of you and you hold a little part of them in your heart as well. These relationships and moments are built in time and with full sensation.

…crying in a friend’s car as a teenager

…experiencing the greatest laughter

…looking into their eyes

…putting my arm around someone in pain

…spending that time in the hospital

The times in which I could be fully honest are nutrients from my past.

The times I felt deeply and was not met - well, those sticky memories are visited only to release pain from them.

I love my past.

I want to grow into the future of humanity with people that show up fully with the people they are with. I want to love more and more with time, knowing I’ll mess it up on the way and accepting that before I’m ready.

I love my past friendships, holding all the pieces of me.

I teach engagement. Not listening, really. I teach how to have the experience of being with one another in this life and leave something to be here for in the future. Let us lay down passionate examples that let the few people that know us in our lives, the ones who are lucky enough to be in our world, know for certain we care.

We choose the ones to care enough about to become better for. Not everyone deserves our openness, time, and deepest commitment. But there are some who are special and it pays to get better at things for them.

I want to build this capacity to be with the people I want in my life. By listening. And refining myself. It’s loving what I have and knowing it is worth getting better.

You may have never had a deep experience in feeling the authentic energies of other people. For most, it is energizing. It may be that our fields of energy empower one another. It’s often awkward and giggly and feels choked up for a second or two. And then you get through it and share and get to hear other people share too as they get through their own speedbumps about it.

The first listening course of the year, where we’ll dig in and practice together, starts the Saturday after next. For more details click below.