What do you do in the silence?

Reducing the amount of Instagram has made this a recurring question I ask myself

My tried-and-true way to begin feeling the things that keep me addicted, so that I can stop being as addicted or at least be more honest with myself:

Open my Notes app and write either:

1. What I am feeling

2. What thought is in my head

3. &/or what events immediately preceded my reaching for the addiction

That always gets me through the first day and onward towards immense progress and an increase in clarity around my mindless actions I continue in spite of perceived negative consequences aka addiction.

In the case of reducing Instagram, I find I still want to fill my time. This includes simply using a different app like Audible (get Andy Serkis narrating The Hobbit), checking the posts of other people I follow on Substack, or some Tetris-ish game. The pull of the black mirror box is strong. Yet if I choose to read a Substack article or listen to a book it feels practically like meditating when compared to any sort of scrolling app serving up a thousand novelties per minute to my brain holes.

I got an app serving me 28 days of “custom somatic workouts” around 10 minutes each that feel like an alternative to scrolling that serves me to wake up or wind down. I do like it - referral link here if your interest is piqued. I haven’t tried the other features in the app except the face workouts, which are also very short.

If I am outside, I sometimes remember to look up at something - anything, but my favorites are any leaves in site blowing in the breeze that are framed against the sky.

And the thing that I also keep returning to is to pray. It’s not always first on the list, but my brain remembers that I mean to at least twice a day when I’m considering a little scrolly scroll on something.

The pause, and the silence, afford me a moment of remembrance towards the behaviors I wish to do more of. I have a firmly implanted belief that more moving my body = better. That’s always on the table. I think I could use a more intimate relationship with God(s) - am I doing this just to fuck with you or do I believe there may be more than one thing I can pray to? Hmm…

I am always going to want to interact with humans I enjoy, first.

When I’m alone - Instagram becomes replacement friend. This is clear from my research on myself which I outlined above. All the pretty pictures, online relationships, and DMs pale against a warm body in front of me but they’re real nice when there isn’t. The problem is it is so novel and so absorbing that I will miss out on a lot of other things I value when I give myself unlimited access to the app.

How else do I stay off of it?

I use the Unpluq (free version) to block it and Facebook (lest I sneakily trade one for the other) on a regular schedule that makes using it around bedtime difficult.

I use the iPhone “downtime” feature to limit a bunch of hours in the day, too.

I notice when I’m looking for something to fill the silence more. Some days I’m perfectly ok with that and continue onwards to scroll in joy. Most days I remember other things.